Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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