remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
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I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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