you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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