he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
