so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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