you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
