You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
