I looked at my own cervix.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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