At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
