we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
