I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
