You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
