Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
