She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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