Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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