guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
