is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
jump out the window naked night went bad
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