Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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