I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
