Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
