After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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