In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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