OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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