I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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