i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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