We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
