the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
