Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
