it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
