Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
