Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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