your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
