I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
