if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
