I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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