Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
