it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
