do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
