i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
