Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
