do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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