The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
