okay pat passed out under dana's car
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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