wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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