There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
