i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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