Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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