Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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