how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
