I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
