Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
