I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
