sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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