are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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