It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
