You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
