Someone shit on the floor
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
