Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
