You're so nebulous sometimes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize
