Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
