wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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