SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he thought i was a dude.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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