I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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