dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
