Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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