I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
