White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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