Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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