Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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