Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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