I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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