if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
