yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
