so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
