fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
