She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
