Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
