I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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