I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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