The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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